How about a bit in Proverbs today?...
"The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel; To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding; To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity; To give subtilty to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion. A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels: To understand a proverb, and the interpretation; the words of the wise, and their dark sayings. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction." Proverbs 1:1-7
Solomon's desire for wisdom was his uplift. Ironically, his lack of following his own advice was his down fall. That is neither here nor there where these verses are concerned. These verses accomplish several things. First, they introduce the author and his purpose. In so doing we begin the process of gleaning some of the vast knowledge that God granted Solomon.
The very simple reasons why Solomon wrote these Proverbs are small glimpses into the man that Solomon was and why he searched so diligently for wisdom. These are qualities that we should emulate at every turn. Knowing wisdom, receiving instruction of wisdom and justice. These are the marks of a wise man. Isn't that a mark we want others to see in us?
Then he tells us where to begin. The fear of the Lord. It seems so easy yet we balk at it so much. How difficult we make it to surrender to God's superiority and sovereignty! It seems so easy to logically say, "He's God and I'm not." Putting it into practice is where I falter most. I can readily express my stance on the Rock but I find myself on the sand so much.
My concentration is going to be to start at the beginning. To find the wisdom that God has for me by beginning to surrender to Him in respect, reverence, and fear.
Love to all. Goodnight.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
A Few (LOL!) Words About Childbirth
As I draw closer to delivering this 3rd miracle that God has blessed us with, thoughts and fears of childbirth begin to be at the forefront of my mind with increasing intensity. This is a subject about which I am very passionate. Anyone, family, friend, or unsuspecting stranger, who has ever spent more than five minutes with me knows that pregnancy and childbirth are never far from the tip of my tongue.
Long before I was pregnant the first time I knew what I wanted for the births of any future children. I wanted a natural childbirth. That meaning, of course, to have as little medical intervention as possible. I would have loved to birth at home but for me that has turned out to not be a realistic goal for medical reasons. I always thought myself capable of delivering unaided by medication or the assistance of machines, instruments, and certainly not surgery. I have my mother to thank for that. She was always forthright about her experiences. She instilled in the the belief that I was created from head to toe to carry, birth, and nurture children. I knew that no matter the situation God was in control and would provide for me.
I have discovered that most women don't get to pregnancy feeling capable. For the most part, the first-timers that I have met are confused and scared. I believe these women were the victims of our society. The "plight" of the pregnant woman in broadcast at such high decibels over every media outlet that its hard to ignore. Fear of the upcoming blessed event drowns out reality. What we see on TV is angry, suffering women who can't control their temper and need the doctors to rescue them from the parasite that is growing in them. It simultaneously infuriates and saddens me.
Even with the mindset of my ability of accomplish this great task, I had a good deal of fear that first time around. My friend, Lori, who had no children and, at the time, no intention of birthing her own children but adopting, gave me a book that a lady at her church had recommended. I thanked her but never brought myself to read it. The title made me think it was a fanatical book with impossible goals. It seemed flaky to me. The book was Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize. (You can find out more about Jackie and her husband Terry at their website here.)
I didn't have the aid of the wisdom of Supernatural Childbirth for Thomas' birth because I didn't bother to read it. I made excuses about time and all the usual things but the reality was that I never made time. I was stubborn and didn't need a book. I wish someone had whacked me in the head. I did not have the experience I wanted with Thomas' birth, partly due to his early arrival but mostly due to my ignorance and inexperience. When we found out that I was pregnant a second time we decided to go about things differently but still with the mindset that God equipped me for it.
I called Lori to find out the name of the book again. This time I read it, Thad read it, and my parents read it. Everyone that had a daily influence on my mindset and dealing with pregnancy and the fears that come with it had read the book. We began to understand what Jackie had to say and put it into use. We prayed for specific things and, amazingly, God answered.There are two main points of emphasis in Supernatural Childbirth: 1. Fear is the main source of problems during conception, pregnancy, and birth. 2. Jesus broke the curse of sickness and pain with His redemptive work on the cross. Wow! How could I have fallen victim to anything other than God's Word? This book made perfect sense. It was like a V-8 moment when you slap yourself on the forehead because you should have known better.
Jackie also spends a bit of the book talking about filtering out the advice of others. Every pregnant woman knows that there are more books about pregnancy and childbirth than grains of sand in an hourglass. There is also no shortage of "well-meaning" opinions from every female that sets eyes on them. I am even guilty of over-sharing on occasion. I do try, though, to not be discouraging, to not share something that would promote fear.
As a final thought I'll share something I once read or heard. I don't remember who said it. It could have been Jackie in this book but I can't remember. Anyway, here it is..."A pregnant woman should be like an old cow. She chews the grass and spits out the straw." Meaning she keeps the good and filters out the bad.
Long before I was pregnant the first time I knew what I wanted for the births of any future children. I wanted a natural childbirth. That meaning, of course, to have as little medical intervention as possible. I would have loved to birth at home but for me that has turned out to not be a realistic goal for medical reasons. I always thought myself capable of delivering unaided by medication or the assistance of machines, instruments, and certainly not surgery. I have my mother to thank for that. She was always forthright about her experiences. She instilled in the the belief that I was created from head to toe to carry, birth, and nurture children. I knew that no matter the situation God was in control and would provide for me.
I have discovered that most women don't get to pregnancy feeling capable. For the most part, the first-timers that I have met are confused and scared. I believe these women were the victims of our society. The "plight" of the pregnant woman in broadcast at such high decibels over every media outlet that its hard to ignore. Fear of the upcoming blessed event drowns out reality. What we see on TV is angry, suffering women who can't control their temper and need the doctors to rescue them from the parasite that is growing in them. It simultaneously infuriates and saddens me.
Even with the mindset of my ability of accomplish this great task, I had a good deal of fear that first time around. My friend, Lori, who had no children and, at the time, no intention of birthing her own children but adopting, gave me a book that a lady at her church had recommended. I thanked her but never brought myself to read it. The title made me think it was a fanatical book with impossible goals. It seemed flaky to me. The book was Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize. (You can find out more about Jackie and her husband Terry at their website here.)
I didn't have the aid of the wisdom of Supernatural Childbirth for Thomas' birth because I didn't bother to read it. I made excuses about time and all the usual things but the reality was that I never made time. I was stubborn and didn't need a book. I wish someone had whacked me in the head. I did not have the experience I wanted with Thomas' birth, partly due to his early arrival but mostly due to my ignorance and inexperience. When we found out that I was pregnant a second time we decided to go about things differently but still with the mindset that God equipped me for it.
I called Lori to find out the name of the book again. This time I read it, Thad read it, and my parents read it. Everyone that had a daily influence on my mindset and dealing with pregnancy and the fears that come with it had read the book. We began to understand what Jackie had to say and put it into use. We prayed for specific things and, amazingly, God answered.There are two main points of emphasis in Supernatural Childbirth: 1. Fear is the main source of problems during conception, pregnancy, and birth. 2. Jesus broke the curse of sickness and pain with His redemptive work on the cross. Wow! How could I have fallen victim to anything other than God's Word? This book made perfect sense. It was like a V-8 moment when you slap yourself on the forehead because you should have known better.
Jackie also spends a bit of the book talking about filtering out the advice of others. Every pregnant woman knows that there are more books about pregnancy and childbirth than grains of sand in an hourglass. There is also no shortage of "well-meaning" opinions from every female that sets eyes on them. I am even guilty of over-sharing on occasion. I do try, though, to not be discouraging, to not share something that would promote fear.
As a final thought I'll share something I once read or heard. I don't remember who said it. It could have been Jackie in this book but I can't remember. Anyway, here it is..."A pregnant woman should be like an old cow. She chews the grass and spits out the straw." Meaning she keeps the good and filters out the bad.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Today's Reading....
I chose another Psalm to explore:
"Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah." Psalm 61:1-4
When I read this I can feel the Psalmist striving to express himself. King David had known from times past that God has been there for him and will again. He has no qualms crying to God to hear him. He has no doubts that God can and will lift him up.
We have all the same assurances. We need to continually avail ourselves of God's mighty hand. He wont fail us. He wont turn us away. We have no need of seeking our own way or that of another. Who can stand as our support more worthily than Almighty God?
This week try seeking God's uplift instead of calling on someone else to drag you out of that pit. He will hear your cries!
Love to all! Goodnight!
"Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah." Psalm 61:1-4
When I read this I can feel the Psalmist striving to express himself. King David had known from times past that God has been there for him and will again. He has no qualms crying to God to hear him. He has no doubts that God can and will lift him up.
We have all the same assurances. We need to continually avail ourselves of God's mighty hand. He wont fail us. He wont turn us away. We have no need of seeking our own way or that of another. Who can stand as our support more worthily than Almighty God?
This week try seeking God's uplift instead of calling on someone else to drag you out of that pit. He will hear your cries!
Love to all! Goodnight!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Today's Reading....
In my neck of the Christian woods, namely the Full Gospel/Pentecostal neck, there is a much quoted verse that is rarely quoted correctly. Lets explore that verse:
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7
Unfortunately, the first clause is left off - a lot! What does it matter? Seeing as how God never uttered an idle word that must mean we need the WHOLE verse for any of it to be applicable.
How can we expect to effectively resist the most diligent, intelligent, cunning enemy in the history of creation without the support of God? How can God support us if we aren't submitted to Him?
For that matter, how can we walk with Him in an unbalanced, childish step that still wants it's own way? In all things, we should first strive to submit to God. It would drastically improve all aspects of our life if we first consulted Him. That's my goal. I hope you make it yours.
Love to all! Goodnight!
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7
Unfortunately, the first clause is left off - a lot! What does it matter? Seeing as how God never uttered an idle word that must mean we need the WHOLE verse for any of it to be applicable.
How can we expect to effectively resist the most diligent, intelligent, cunning enemy in the history of creation without the support of God? How can God support us if we aren't submitted to Him?
For that matter, how can we walk with Him in an unbalanced, childish step that still wants it's own way? In all things, we should first strive to submit to God. It would drastically improve all aspects of our life if we first consulted Him. That's my goal. I hope you make it yours.
Love to all! Goodnight!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Today's Reading....
Have I mentioned that I have the BEST husband ever? Yes, I do. You may think its your husband but, really, its mine! I thought since today (May 20) is his birthday I would find some scripture that I feel describes him well.
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" Ephesians 5:25
"So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." Ephesians 5:28
The love spoken of here is unconditional and sacrificial. I cannot think of two better words for how my husband loves me. He walks these verse on a daily basis. He always has.
Long before children ever came into the picture Thad wanted me to be able to stay home. Not out of some misogynistic belief that my place was in the kitchen (though it is) but out of the desire to be the covering and provider that scripture requires. He knew that my desire was to serve him and keep his home. His desire is to live up to what God says he should be and allow me to do the same.
He works hard for us, fulfilling what God has called him to do. He relishes in allowing me to run our home and nurture and school our children. That does not mean that Thad leaves his responsibility at the front door every evening. He picks up where I cannot. He does dishes, laundry, and cooking anytime I need him to and for any reason. The children's baths are his domain. As I type this he is hanging up some clothes so I can blog.
Thad makes sure that, I, as the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7) am taken care of in the manner to which he believes God would have it. He makes sure that our children know they are loved. Together we strive to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)
He is everything I ever wanted in a mate. I have no doubts that ours is a union that will only be divided by death.
Thad is my best friend. My confidant. My lover. My partner. My covering. My hero.
As a bonus, he is also my personal computer help desk!
Happy Birthday to the best husband in the world!
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" Ephesians 5:25
"So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." Ephesians 5:28
The love spoken of here is unconditional and sacrificial. I cannot think of two better words for how my husband loves me. He walks these verse on a daily basis. He always has.
Long before children ever came into the picture Thad wanted me to be able to stay home. Not out of some misogynistic belief that my place was in the kitchen (though it is) but out of the desire to be the covering and provider that scripture requires. He knew that my desire was to serve him and keep his home. His desire is to live up to what God says he should be and allow me to do the same.
He works hard for us, fulfilling what God has called him to do. He relishes in allowing me to run our home and nurture and school our children. That does not mean that Thad leaves his responsibility at the front door every evening. He picks up where I cannot. He does dishes, laundry, and cooking anytime I need him to and for any reason. The children's baths are his domain. As I type this he is hanging up some clothes so I can blog.
Thad makes sure that, I, as the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7) am taken care of in the manner to which he believes God would have it. He makes sure that our children know they are loved. Together we strive to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)
He is everything I ever wanted in a mate. I have no doubts that ours is a union that will only be divided by death.
Thad is my best friend. My confidant. My lover. My partner. My covering. My hero.
As a bonus, he is also my personal computer help desk!
Happy Birthday to the best husband in the world!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Today's Reading....
I searched several passages tonight, not particularly drawn to any one subject. I decided to search the Psalms beginning with one that aren't oft quoted. I found Psalm 3 quite uplifting.
"Lord, how are they increased that trouble me! many are they that rise up against me. Many there be which say of my soul, There is no help for him in God. Selah. But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah. I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me. I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people, that have set themselves against me round about. Arise, O LORD; save me, O my God: for thou hast smitten all mine enemies upon the cheek bone; thou hast broken the teeth of the ungodly. Salvation belongeth unto the LORD: thy blessing is upon thy people. Selah." Psalm 3
I guess what struck me most was how David spent 2 of the 8 verses in the entire Psalm on the distress he felt fleeing Absalom, his son. The other 6 verses were of joy and rescue. He sung the praises of God's glory and uplifting arm in his situation.
Why, in our comparatively simple lives, do we not turn to God for rescue when He so freely offers it? Why don't we know and understand that He is always there as a constant buoy in our times of need? We never have to long for deliverance because God offers a constant fountain of it.
Its a fantastic thing to know that we are never left to flag in the wind against our enemies.
"No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD." Isaiah 54:17
Rejoice in your servanthood because servants are always under their Master's care. How remarkable that our Master is the Creator of the universe! He doesn't even need a complicated thought process to place a hedge of protection around us.
Goodnight and love to all!
"Lord, how are they increased that trouble me! many are they that rise up against me. Many there be which say of my soul, There is no help for him in God. Selah. But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah. I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me. I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people, that have set themselves against me round about. Arise, O LORD; save me, O my God: for thou hast smitten all mine enemies upon the cheek bone; thou hast broken the teeth of the ungodly. Salvation belongeth unto the LORD: thy blessing is upon thy people. Selah." Psalm 3
I guess what struck me most was how David spent 2 of the 8 verses in the entire Psalm on the distress he felt fleeing Absalom, his son. The other 6 verses were of joy and rescue. He sung the praises of God's glory and uplifting arm in his situation.
Why, in our comparatively simple lives, do we not turn to God for rescue when He so freely offers it? Why don't we know and understand that He is always there as a constant buoy in our times of need? We never have to long for deliverance because God offers a constant fountain of it.
Its a fantastic thing to know that we are never left to flag in the wind against our enemies.
"No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD." Isaiah 54:17
Rejoice in your servanthood because servants are always under their Master's care. How remarkable that our Master is the Creator of the universe! He doesn't even need a complicated thought process to place a hedge of protection around us.
Goodnight and love to all!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Today's Reading....
Aside from the obvious, my 3 favorite people in the Bible are Hannah, Ruth, and Esther. I like them so much because their lives speak volumes to what Godly womanhood means. Not one of them felt entitled to anything just because they were women but because God had promised and led and directed them. Here is one of my favorite passages from Esther:
"For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father's house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14
The book of Esther is unique in that it is the only book that never makes direct reference to God. Never. Truly some of us live our lives with never a direct instruction from God, at least not that we are aware of. We can feel His presence but some never feel God speaking directly to them or through them. However, we all know that God is active in our life. We know He moves. Just the same as we know He moved Mordecai and Esther when we read this book.
In this verse Mordecai explains to Esther that if she is quiet and stands her ground the evil plot that Haman connived to bring down Mordecai by way of destroying the Jews will fail. If she moves too quickly destruction is a foregone conclusion. He then says, "who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Well, God knew. He put her there to foil yet another plan of Satan to destroy God's chosen people. The same can be said with each of us.
Whether or not you feel as if God has led you overtly, He has a plan for you. If you are yielded to Him fully He WILL put you in the right place at the right time. The decision is then yours to heed that leading or to walk away. To stand or to fold. To speak or remain silent.
He never fails us but surely we do fail Him. Resolve today to seek the knowledge of His directing hand and then to follow that lead.
Love to all!
"For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father's house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14
The book of Esther is unique in that it is the only book that never makes direct reference to God. Never. Truly some of us live our lives with never a direct instruction from God, at least not that we are aware of. We can feel His presence but some never feel God speaking directly to them or through them. However, we all know that God is active in our life. We know He moves. Just the same as we know He moved Mordecai and Esther when we read this book.
In this verse Mordecai explains to Esther that if she is quiet and stands her ground the evil plot that Haman connived to bring down Mordecai by way of destroying the Jews will fail. If she moves too quickly destruction is a foregone conclusion. He then says, "who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Well, God knew. He put her there to foil yet another plan of Satan to destroy God's chosen people. The same can be said with each of us.
Whether or not you feel as if God has led you overtly, He has a plan for you. If you are yielded to Him fully He WILL put you in the right place at the right time. The decision is then yours to heed that leading or to walk away. To stand or to fold. To speak or remain silent.
He never fails us but surely we do fail Him. Resolve today to seek the knowledge of His directing hand and then to follow that lead.
Love to all!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
PCOS, IR, and Me: My Story
This article contains personal and medical information. If you are uncomfortable knowing that much about me, stop reading. I would prefer if this article made its way around the world so PLEASE read on. Share this with your sisters, mothers, daughters, aunts, nieces, etc. especially if they are overweight and have some of the other symptoms I will list at the end of this article. I am not embarrassed to share this information, in fact, I welcome the opportunity.
When I was young I was normal sized, literally, right in the middle of the growth charts. About as average as a kid gets. That changed dramatically when I was 8. In the summer I was playing t-ball and running around with my cousins yet my body gained about 50lbs that summer without a diet change.I wasn't guzzling soda or gulping down seconds and thirds. Nothing was different. That fall I had to get my first bra at age 9. It was a 36C. To put that into perspective for all those not familiar with bra size, the average woman in America is a 34B as an adult! The need for a bra was caused by both the weight gain and a drastic change in hormones, though I didn't know that at the time.
The first indication that something was wrong came when I was 11, weighing nearly 150lbs. I began to have severe lower abdominal pain mostly on my left side. The doctor I went to, whose name I thankfully can't remember, told me it was nothing to worry about because I was just having premenstrual cramps. The problem that my mom and I explained to him was that I had never had them before neither was there a family history of any PMS symptoms. He basically rolled his eyes and suggested that I might feel better if I lost weight. Really? That hadn't occurred to me.
Needless to say I didn't go back. I did develop an unhealthy distrust for doctors because apparently they were all morons who made assumptions and suggestions without bothering to listen to me. Consequently, I avoided any doctor until the pain was so severe I missed days on end of school lying in bed crying because there were no answer or hope. I was 14 then. Through various circumstances God led me to another doctor who didn't think I was a fat slug who did nothing but search for attention by making up the pain.
Over the following 3-4 months I endured more tests than the average person endures in their entire life. I had countless blood tests, ultrasounds, and examinations. I had 2 exploratory CT-Scans with the barium shake and the barium enema (which is as fun as it sounds.) I even had a colonoscopy because they thought I might have colon cancer. When all was said and done, all they could tell me was that I had a cyst on my left ovary. It needed to be removed immediately. 3 weeks later I had surgery to remove my left ovary, fallopian tube, and an 8 lb ovarian cyst!It had been growing unchecked since that first doctor when I was 11. No wonder I looked pregnant.
After the surgery, the surgeons told my parents that the cyst had grown so large for so long that it was hemorrhaging back into itself and was turning gangrenous. It would have burst within 2 weeks releasing all those toxins into my body. More than likely it would have been fatal. On the upside it was pretty cool to have an elevator pass at school and show everyone my staples and scar and to tell my friends that the doctor wanted to remove my belly button. That would have looked even cooler! He didn't actually have to remove it. He went around it instead.
So after all this, one could reasonably expect a diagnosis, right? Such was not the case for me. All they said was that I had a "hormonal imbalance." They gave me birth control pills to regulate my hormones and told me to try to lose some weight. Again with that. As if I hadn't been trying that for years. Not to mention the fact that a major side effect of birth control pills is weight gain.
Here I go through my teenage years at 200lbs and gaining, on the pill, getting acne, losing the hair on my head but growing some on my chin and neck, having depression, not being able to eat because of nausea, constantly swinging between diarrhea and constipation, and never being normal. How did I deal with it? Apathy. I decided that since I couldn't lose weight why should I even try? I began to eat anything and everything in mass quantities. I decided that I would hop in the band wagon of fat women who "loved" their heaviness and really weren't unhealthy. (That great line from Hamlet, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" comes to mind immediately.)
Apathy was a rather nice band-aid for the wounds I was inflicting on myself and those left by others. I got through high school with another 30 lbs and a bad attitude. Continuing on my road of apathy and distrust I avoided doctors except for my gynecologist who still didn't have a definite diagnosis for me. She just kept pumping me full of birth control pills.
Fast forward to age 22 when Thad and I decided (as if it were our decision) that it was time to have kids. I stopped the pills after talking to my doctor who wished me luck and told me to try to lose some weight. I had a couple of false positive pregnancy tests and no periods over the next 15 months. while I didn't mind the absence of of them I was concerned. I finally asked my gynecologist why no one knew what was wrong with me. She said, "well, its probably your PCOS. It makes it hard to get pregnant." UHM, my what? I told her I had no idea what she meant. I had never heard of PCOS before. She scribbled something in my chart and told me to have the nurse give me a referral to an endocrinologist. A what?
I went to the new doctor. I wasn't happy about it though. I had been having my blood drawn and an "intimate" exam every three months since I was 15. Why did I need someone else to explain this to me? Fortunately, this guy was good. The first step of the appointment wasn't good - I had to weigh. For the first time in my life my weight frightened me. I was 25 and weighed 308 lbs. I'll never forget that moment. It took every ounce of strength I had not to cry. I knew part was from the whatever that had been going on in my body but, sadly, I knew that I had contributed to the monstrous beast that perched on the scale.
The appointment got better. He actually had answers. He told me that I did, indeed, have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome but that wasn't the root problem. I had something called Insulin Resistance. (Before you think it, ask it, or say it...NO, I'm not diabetic. But I could be someday.) IR is a condition in which the insulin response to food intake is insufficient. It causes the body to think it is always in "starvation mode." My muscles are deaf to the insulin message and do not take it in. Unfortunately, my fat cells think I'm never eating enough no matter how much or how little I eat. In that mode the fat stores everything! I could live on water and lettuce and still gain weight at an alarming rate. Thus the idea that just better nutrition and exercise would fix me up is FALSE. I know its false because I have tried it. I spent one year of my life eating 1200 calories a day and doing a 2-hour workout, 4 times a week. In that year I lost 4 lbs. Yeah, only 4.
This insulin issue causes my estrogen and progesterone to be out of whack and my testosterone to be really HIGH! The testosterone is why I grow hair in all the wrong places. It all contributes to the weight gain. So after all this illumination, for which I was incredibly grateful, I asked the obvious question: How do we fix me so that I can have babies? He reply wasn't what I wanted to hear. "It would help if you lost some weight." I gritted my teeth and stifled some frustration. Before I could scream about my inability to lose weight he said, "The problem with that is IR and PCOS make it nearly impossible."
I was dumbfounded. Finally someone realized that other than me. He gave me some samples and a prescription for Glucophage, a diabetes medication. But I'm not diabetic. He knew that, of course, because he had his head on straight. He said my periods would regulate and my hormones would come closer to normal. As a result and a big bonus, if I began to eat better and less I would see gradual weight loss. darned if he wasn't right.
Since that visit I have had to find another endocrinologist who is probably the best doctor I've ever come across. He is remarkably intelligent with an insatiable appetite for research but he doesn't run headlong toward something just because its the latest thing. I also have a new OB/GYN who I found through my endocrinologist because I wanted someone who would listen to him and understand that PCOS is NOT a gynecological problem.
Now I am surrounded by a wonderful team of physicians that understand my faith and my desire to not be a pincushion. I believe wholeheartedly that these men were put in my path to bring about God's will in my life. I was designed and created from head to toe to grow, birth, and nurture children. It was and still is the desire of my heart. When I surrendered my desire to His will and timing I got my answers and my health.
So what are the results of my journey?
* 3 babies I shouldn't have especially with 1 ovary.
* A dramatic weight loss (from my all-time high of 320 lbs to my current pre-pregnant weight of 243 lbs)
* The knowledge that I know my body better than anyone and trusting that meant booting the bad doctors.
* Conventional medicine isn't inherently bad. Find doctors that understand your beliefs and can work with them. All of my physicians understand that I don't credit them with my health improvement or my 3 miracle children. I credit God for leading me to them and giving us all wisdom in my situation. I believe that each child was a direct, Hand-of-God miracle much like Hannah (1 Samuel 1)
* I learned to look at women and girls who look like me in a different light. I used to see them the same way everyone else does. I thought they are fat because they eat too much. My experiences have taught me to wonder if she doesn't know that she might be fighting a losing battle against an enemy she doesn't even know exists. Occasionally, I even approach strangers and implore them to see an endocrinologist about PCOS and IR.
* I now know that Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome is NOT an illness best treated by a gynecologist. It is not so much reproductive but hormonal. All hormones, even female ones, belong in the domain of the endocrinologist. It is also not a condition best treated by a fertility specialist. When you treat the underlying condition, the infertility usually resolves.
* I don't take diet advice from just anyone. For some reason people are compelled to share their diet secrets with me unsolicited. "I cut out high fat and lost 30 lbs." or "I only eat organic." or "I cut out everything from a box." or "All you have to do it eat more fruit and less red meat and you could look like me." or "Never eat anything after 6pm." (The ridiculousness of this statement is something I could write about endlessly. Weight is about math - calories in minus calories out. there is no magic time of day.) Nope, I have a filter now. I think these people are so uncomfortable with my size they want to be my rescuer. A nice thought but very belittling. I know what food to eat, how much, and when. I also rarely share my own diet advice for the same reason. I only do it when asked.
When I was young I was normal sized, literally, right in the middle of the growth charts. About as average as a kid gets. That changed dramatically when I was 8. In the summer I was playing t-ball and running around with my cousins yet my body gained about 50lbs that summer without a diet change.I wasn't guzzling soda or gulping down seconds and thirds. Nothing was different. That fall I had to get my first bra at age 9. It was a 36C. To put that into perspective for all those not familiar with bra size, the average woman in America is a 34B as an adult! The need for a bra was caused by both the weight gain and a drastic change in hormones, though I didn't know that at the time.
The first indication that something was wrong came when I was 11, weighing nearly 150lbs. I began to have severe lower abdominal pain mostly on my left side. The doctor I went to, whose name I thankfully can't remember, told me it was nothing to worry about because I was just having premenstrual cramps. The problem that my mom and I explained to him was that I had never had them before neither was there a family history of any PMS symptoms. He basically rolled his eyes and suggested that I might feel better if I lost weight. Really? That hadn't occurred to me.
Needless to say I didn't go back. I did develop an unhealthy distrust for doctors because apparently they were all morons who made assumptions and suggestions without bothering to listen to me. Consequently, I avoided any doctor until the pain was so severe I missed days on end of school lying in bed crying because there were no answer or hope. I was 14 then. Through various circumstances God led me to another doctor who didn't think I was a fat slug who did nothing but search for attention by making up the pain.
Over the following 3-4 months I endured more tests than the average person endures in their entire life. I had countless blood tests, ultrasounds, and examinations. I had 2 exploratory CT-Scans with the barium shake and the barium enema (which is as fun as it sounds.) I even had a colonoscopy because they thought I might have colon cancer. When all was said and done, all they could tell me was that I had a cyst on my left ovary. It needed to be removed immediately. 3 weeks later I had surgery to remove my left ovary, fallopian tube, and an 8 lb ovarian cyst!It had been growing unchecked since that first doctor when I was 11. No wonder I looked pregnant.
After the surgery, the surgeons told my parents that the cyst had grown so large for so long that it was hemorrhaging back into itself and was turning gangrenous. It would have burst within 2 weeks releasing all those toxins into my body. More than likely it would have been fatal. On the upside it was pretty cool to have an elevator pass at school and show everyone my staples and scar and to tell my friends that the doctor wanted to remove my belly button. That would have looked even cooler! He didn't actually have to remove it. He went around it instead.
So after all this, one could reasonably expect a diagnosis, right? Such was not the case for me. All they said was that I had a "hormonal imbalance." They gave me birth control pills to regulate my hormones and told me to try to lose some weight. Again with that. As if I hadn't been trying that for years. Not to mention the fact that a major side effect of birth control pills is weight gain.
Here I go through my teenage years at 200lbs and gaining, on the pill, getting acne, losing the hair on my head but growing some on my chin and neck, having depression, not being able to eat because of nausea, constantly swinging between diarrhea and constipation, and never being normal. How did I deal with it? Apathy. I decided that since I couldn't lose weight why should I even try? I began to eat anything and everything in mass quantities. I decided that I would hop in the band wagon of fat women who "loved" their heaviness and really weren't unhealthy. (That great line from Hamlet, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" comes to mind immediately.)
Apathy was a rather nice band-aid for the wounds I was inflicting on myself and those left by others. I got through high school with another 30 lbs and a bad attitude. Continuing on my road of apathy and distrust I avoided doctors except for my gynecologist who still didn't have a definite diagnosis for me. She just kept pumping me full of birth control pills.
Fast forward to age 22 when Thad and I decided (as if it were our decision) that it was time to have kids. I stopped the pills after talking to my doctor who wished me luck and told me to try to lose some weight. I had a couple of false positive pregnancy tests and no periods over the next 15 months. while I didn't mind the absence of of them I was concerned. I finally asked my gynecologist why no one knew what was wrong with me. She said, "well, its probably your PCOS. It makes it hard to get pregnant." UHM, my what? I told her I had no idea what she meant. I had never heard of PCOS before. She scribbled something in my chart and told me to have the nurse give me a referral to an endocrinologist. A what?
I went to the new doctor. I wasn't happy about it though. I had been having my blood drawn and an "intimate" exam every three months since I was 15. Why did I need someone else to explain this to me? Fortunately, this guy was good. The first step of the appointment wasn't good - I had to weigh. For the first time in my life my weight frightened me. I was 25 and weighed 308 lbs. I'll never forget that moment. It took every ounce of strength I had not to cry. I knew part was from the whatever that had been going on in my body but, sadly, I knew that I had contributed to the monstrous beast that perched on the scale.
The appointment got better. He actually had answers. He told me that I did, indeed, have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome but that wasn't the root problem. I had something called Insulin Resistance. (Before you think it, ask it, or say it...NO, I'm not diabetic. But I could be someday.) IR is a condition in which the insulin response to food intake is insufficient. It causes the body to think it is always in "starvation mode." My muscles are deaf to the insulin message and do not take it in. Unfortunately, my fat cells think I'm never eating enough no matter how much or how little I eat. In that mode the fat stores everything! I could live on water and lettuce and still gain weight at an alarming rate. Thus the idea that just better nutrition and exercise would fix me up is FALSE. I know its false because I have tried it. I spent one year of my life eating 1200 calories a day and doing a 2-hour workout, 4 times a week. In that year I lost 4 lbs. Yeah, only 4.
This insulin issue causes my estrogen and progesterone to be out of whack and my testosterone to be really HIGH! The testosterone is why I grow hair in all the wrong places. It all contributes to the weight gain. So after all this illumination, for which I was incredibly grateful, I asked the obvious question: How do we fix me so that I can have babies? He reply wasn't what I wanted to hear. "It would help if you lost some weight." I gritted my teeth and stifled some frustration. Before I could scream about my inability to lose weight he said, "The problem with that is IR and PCOS make it nearly impossible."
I was dumbfounded. Finally someone realized that other than me. He gave me some samples and a prescription for Glucophage, a diabetes medication. But I'm not diabetic. He knew that, of course, because he had his head on straight. He said my periods would regulate and my hormones would come closer to normal. As a result and a big bonus, if I began to eat better and less I would see gradual weight loss. darned if he wasn't right.
Since that visit I have had to find another endocrinologist who is probably the best doctor I've ever come across. He is remarkably intelligent with an insatiable appetite for research but he doesn't run headlong toward something just because its the latest thing. I also have a new OB/GYN who I found through my endocrinologist because I wanted someone who would listen to him and understand that PCOS is NOT a gynecological problem.
Now I am surrounded by a wonderful team of physicians that understand my faith and my desire to not be a pincushion. I believe wholeheartedly that these men were put in my path to bring about God's will in my life. I was designed and created from head to toe to grow, birth, and nurture children. It was and still is the desire of my heart. When I surrendered my desire to His will and timing I got my answers and my health.
So what are the results of my journey?
* 3 babies I shouldn't have especially with 1 ovary.
* A dramatic weight loss (from my all-time high of 320 lbs to my current pre-pregnant weight of 243 lbs)
* The knowledge that I know my body better than anyone and trusting that meant booting the bad doctors.
* Conventional medicine isn't inherently bad. Find doctors that understand your beliefs and can work with them. All of my physicians understand that I don't credit them with my health improvement or my 3 miracle children. I credit God for leading me to them and giving us all wisdom in my situation. I believe that each child was a direct, Hand-of-God miracle much like Hannah (1 Samuel 1)
* I learned to look at women and girls who look like me in a different light. I used to see them the same way everyone else does. I thought they are fat because they eat too much. My experiences have taught me to wonder if she doesn't know that she might be fighting a losing battle against an enemy she doesn't even know exists. Occasionally, I even approach strangers and implore them to see an endocrinologist about PCOS and IR.
* I now know that Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome is NOT an illness best treated by a gynecologist. It is not so much reproductive but hormonal. All hormones, even female ones, belong in the domain of the endocrinologist. It is also not a condition best treated by a fertility specialist. When you treat the underlying condition, the infertility usually resolves.
* I don't take diet advice from just anyone. For some reason people are compelled to share their diet secrets with me unsolicited. "I cut out high fat and lost 30 lbs." or "I only eat organic." or "I cut out everything from a box." or "All you have to do it eat more fruit and less red meat and you could look like me." or "Never eat anything after 6pm." (The ridiculousness of this statement is something I could write about endlessly. Weight is about math - calories in minus calories out. there is no magic time of day.) Nope, I have a filter now. I think these people are so uncomfortable with my size they want to be my rescuer. A nice thought but very belittling. I know what food to eat, how much, and when. I also rarely share my own diet advice for the same reason. I only do it when asked.
Here are some of the hallmark symptoms of PCOS:
*Fewer than 8 periods per year.
*Heavy to very heavy periods.
*Irregular bleeding.
*Sudden, unexplained (non-diet induced) weight gain
*Fertility problems.
*Adult acne.
*Hair growth in places that are typically male: chin, neck, upper lip, chest, abdomen.
*Balding or thinning hair on head.
*Darkening or discoloration on neck, face, between folds of skin, etc.
*Skin tags.
*Type 2 Diabetes or a family history of Type 2 Diabetes (particularly if your mother had Gestational Diabetes while pregnant with you.)
*Sluggishness, lack of concentration, shaking, uncontrollable hunger and mood swings.
*Fewer than 8 periods per year.
*Heavy to very heavy periods.
*Irregular bleeding.
*Sudden, unexplained (non-diet induced) weight gain
*Fertility problems.
*Adult acne.
*Hair growth in places that are typically male: chin, neck, upper lip, chest, abdomen.
*Balding or thinning hair on head.
*Darkening or discoloration on neck, face, between folds of skin, etc.
*Skin tags.
*Type 2 Diabetes or a family history of Type 2 Diabetes (particularly if your mother had Gestational Diabetes while pregnant with you.)
*Sluggishness, lack of concentration, shaking, uncontrollable hunger and mood swings.
You can take the quiz here for a better idea of your risk. I suggest printing it and taking it to your physician to discuss your risk and have the blood tests.
If you live in the Nashville area and believe you have PCOS, please send a comment with your email and I will give you my doctor's information if you do not have an endocrinologist.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Today's Reading....
This is part of a passage that we learned about yesterday in church. I wanted to share some thoughts I had about it.
"Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all." Ephesians 4:3-6
We hear a lot about being united in our faith, being one strong force for change. While this is truly a Biblical ambition it can be taken to the extreme. We cannot become so driven to unity that we ignore those things that are false doctrine. For example, we cannot just accept that someone is a brother or sister in Christ because they say they believe in God. Not even all denominations that claim to be Christian really are. Any teaching that puts a human on equal plain with Jesus is a false doctrine. Any teaching that claims a "later revelation" is false. There are no two ways about it. God is what He says He is - in HIS Word!
A further extreme of unity is the idea that because God created all humans we should be one no matter our belief system. Its ridiculous to say that just based on God's love for us we can accept and tolerate any religion. He didn't. Why should we?
Does this mean that any difference in denominational opinion is a reason to dissociate with those of others churches? NO! Often our small differences divide us based on tradition more than what the Bible actually says. The fact is that we, who claim Jesus as our Lord and Savior, are united in the same Holy Spirit regardless of our denomination.
Really and truly there are very few denominational differences that are "salvation issues" or those things that could compromise our eternal destination. Whether or not we have music during worship or do we let our women teach and preach or raising our hands in worship. These things are not at issue when we lay our hearts at the feet of God's throne. I will expound in a future post on issues that can compromise our salvation.
Is there are way to know if a particular belief is false doctrine? Why, yes, there is!
1. The Bible is very clear that there is ONE mediator between God and man. That's Jesus. Anyone position that attempts to elevate a person or false diety to an equal plain with Jesus is false. 1 Timothy 2:5; John 14:6
2. Anything that attempts to remove Jesus' Godhood and make him merely a man or good teacher is false. John 1:1-51; Revelation 1:1-20; Revelation 22:1-21
3. Any person that cannot confess with their mouth Jesus as their Lord and Savior doesn't believe in their heart. Romans 10:9-11; Matthew 10:32; Philippians 2:11; 1 John 4:1-4; 2 John 1:7
So, in short (Ha Ha,) strive to have unity with those that truly confess Jesus as their Lord regardless of what the sign says over the door of their church. Don't allow yourself to be led into the belief that all is acceptable. If you have fellowship with someone whose belief system doesn't fit the criteria above, WITNESS TO THEM! Ask them to join you in a study of these things. If you need more help, PLEASE feel free to contact me. If I can't find the answer, preacher Daddy can.
Love to all!
"Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all." Ephesians 4:3-6
We hear a lot about being united in our faith, being one strong force for change. While this is truly a Biblical ambition it can be taken to the extreme. We cannot become so driven to unity that we ignore those things that are false doctrine. For example, we cannot just accept that someone is a brother or sister in Christ because they say they believe in God. Not even all denominations that claim to be Christian really are. Any teaching that puts a human on equal plain with Jesus is a false doctrine. Any teaching that claims a "later revelation" is false. There are no two ways about it. God is what He says He is - in HIS Word!
A further extreme of unity is the idea that because God created all humans we should be one no matter our belief system. Its ridiculous to say that just based on God's love for us we can accept and tolerate any religion. He didn't. Why should we?
Does this mean that any difference in denominational opinion is a reason to dissociate with those of others churches? NO! Often our small differences divide us based on tradition more than what the Bible actually says. The fact is that we, who claim Jesus as our Lord and Savior, are united in the same Holy Spirit regardless of our denomination.
Really and truly there are very few denominational differences that are "salvation issues" or those things that could compromise our eternal destination. Whether or not we have music during worship or do we let our women teach and preach or raising our hands in worship. These things are not at issue when we lay our hearts at the feet of God's throne. I will expound in a future post on issues that can compromise our salvation.
Is there are way to know if a particular belief is false doctrine? Why, yes, there is!
1. The Bible is very clear that there is ONE mediator between God and man. That's Jesus. Anyone position that attempts to elevate a person or false diety to an equal plain with Jesus is false. 1 Timothy 2:5; John 14:6
2. Anything that attempts to remove Jesus' Godhood and make him merely a man or good teacher is false. John 1:1-51; Revelation 1:1-20; Revelation 22:1-21
3. Any person that cannot confess with their mouth Jesus as their Lord and Savior doesn't believe in their heart. Romans 10:9-11; Matthew 10:32; Philippians 2:11; 1 John 4:1-4; 2 John 1:7
So, in short (Ha Ha,) strive to have unity with those that truly confess Jesus as their Lord regardless of what the sign says over the door of their church. Don't allow yourself to be led into the belief that all is acceptable. If you have fellowship with someone whose belief system doesn't fit the criteria above, WITNESS TO THEM! Ask them to join you in a study of these things. If you need more help, PLEASE feel free to contact me. If I can't find the answer, preacher Daddy can.
Love to all!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Long Time, No Type
Yeah, I know I said that I would be back sooner but life and fatigue and everything else has conspired to keep me away from the computer.
Prepare yourselves for an influx of articles on everything from the Pie Competition to Gatorland to Things I Learned on a Road Trip!
Prepare yourselves for an influx of articles on everything from the Pie Competition to Gatorland to Things I Learned on a Road Trip!
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